Monday, March 28, 2005

Kudos to Whitney Chapman

Kudos to Whitney Chapman! I don't think she saw me, but I was there in the Froelicher atrium when she removed the empty McDonalds french-fry container from the shrubs and desposited it in the nearest waste recepticle. You are a true inspiration to us all!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

How Was Your Break?

Last night I cut that boy right outta my hair.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Kill Naughty Man!

My roommate Tim never writes about me in his livejournal. That makes me sad. I thing we've had some memorable roomie moments... like the time he was mugged at gunpoint outside our apartment while getting little-ol'-underaged-me some booze. I'll never forget his heroism in the name of booze.

He never writes about me, but he does speak often of his co-workers which I think is a bad idea. His job is a big magnet for computer nerds. I just know one of them is going to come across his LJ. Especially that sweet Dora who's apparently hot for our Tim.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

A Little Less Time on You

My most favorite memory in my entire life has to be the night of Michael Bacon's surprise birthday party. The surprise was that some coochface thought his cute friends' good looks rubbed off onto him. He was wrong. He thought he was so cute that he could wrap his shit in tin foil and pass it off as a pleasant party favor. After he mocked my blazer, I felt it was my duty to reveal the truth to him. Said conversation proceeded as follows:

D-Bag: "Nice blazer."
Me: "Nice horse face."

The night only got better, as my comment sent him into a blind fury. He then pissed off Russell, Chris, and Michael resulting in his immediate expulsion from the party. Russell, Michael, Chris, and Mark each took hold of one of Sir D-Bag's ugly appendages and threw him out into the street where he was run over by a bulldozer. I feel sort of bad that he's dead, but at least the bulldozer left him more handsome at his death than he ever was in life.

Monday, January 24, 2005

In just a little while, I will be going to the mall to get my Hollister paycheck. I can't wait to walk in there and say: "Remember me? The guy that hid in the back of the stock room and pretended to fold clothes, but really didn't do shit. Oh yeah, and remember that time I feigned illness to get off work early on the most important restocking day of the year? Oh yeah, and that time I quit without telling anybody? ... Well can I have my paycheck now?" I guess I shouldn't be too excited because it must happen to them all the time.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Winter Break is almost over, and the only thing I remember about any of it is having that song from the Blockbuster commercial ("It's Over) stuck in my head for 5 weeks. I can't wait for school to start on Tuesday. So when I'm inundated with everyone's fascination in how my winter break went, I can only answer: "Ok i guess. I had a song stuck in my head. [Awkward Pause]... And how was yours?"

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Ridalin STAT!

Why must it take so long for Rite Aid to get my friggin Ridalin. I mean... can't they just give it to me instead of waiting for insurance preauthorization? Do they want me to fail? Is that what they want?